??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
