If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
