babies were throwing up all over the place
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
