apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
