Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
