How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
