how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
