I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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