I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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