Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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