My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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