do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
