i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
