First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
