You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
