I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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