I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
