She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
