she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
