When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
