we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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