atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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