well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
