i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
