Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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