I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
