There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
