life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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