Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
why do cheetos always look like penises
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
