I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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