Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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