I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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