And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
