Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They took my balls.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
