I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
