I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
