she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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