I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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