I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
