Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
