If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
