don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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