you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
tell me about the fingering
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