In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
