You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
