I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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