she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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