cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
