Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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