I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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