Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
