Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
