He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
