The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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