and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A+ Viking dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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