his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Couch. On fire.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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