I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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