I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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