he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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