do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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