Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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