Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize