1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
