My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
