Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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