I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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