More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
