apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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