I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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