I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
